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Day 3/200: Project 200

Wahoo! I'm still working on it J Yesterday was day 3 and I did great!

Liquid Hell:

I was going to try to stick to my plan of only ONE Diet soda but I did in fact have two. I do need to make sure I am still drinking a lot of water. Much nicer to not have to pee every 20 minutes, but I do need to make a better effort to make sure I'm getting enough water.

I once hear you should drink like a certain # times the pounds you weigh. Ha, is the ocean available?

Grindage:

The thought of going to breakfast crossed my mind when I first woke up, but I quickly dismissed it from my brain. Reprogramming is what it takes!

• B: 2 toast w/ margarine, 2 eggs, healthy shake (oj, nutrients, fruit)
  
• S: granola bar
  
• L: turkey & cheese pita, tomato, V8
  
• S: cheesestick, yogurt
  
• D: Subway
  
• S: banana,
  

Shaking da booty:

• 45 minutes soccer
  

I am so flippin' sore today! My buddy Ian texted me and said I did a good job as his trainer last night as his arms are might sore. I concur!

Step it up a notch:

• Have only ONE Diet coke instead of TWO
  

Ku-DOS!

• Hoorah for not giving into my fattening food urges this morning!
  

Fatty Confessions:

So my booty is rather famous, or maybe I should say infamous. Its one of those that really seem to attract African Americans, and one time at the gym an Italian guy. So bizarre!

Anyway even when I was at my thinnest, baby always had back! So anyway, I remember one time at my Grandma's that I actually broke her toilet seat. I was so embarassed that I didn't say anything and ended up being really embarassed and horrified when everyone found out.

X96 Fatty Chat

So I was listening to X96 (add link) podcast from last week and I found that they mentioned my name again. I'm former chubby intern. Click HERE to read a full background on this. But just to sum up I was on the radio a few times and went in to talk to them which was pretty fun.

So the other day they were talking about how some people have gotten really upset over Gina's comments and Bill's about fat people and some of the fat people shows. One girl wrote in who wasn't mad and was just stating how she was asked to be on the "more to love" show but declined as she felt it was so pathetic. But then another former fatty BFOP (best friend of program) wrote an email about how she was so insulted she was never going to listen again and is declaring she will get others to stop listening as well. They mentioned that the first girl was an example of someone who has a positive outlook about their weight and how I was as well. So I HAD to send an email, even though it is so LATE to do so. (I was like a week behind listening on podcast) Boy I'm mean!

Greetings and Salutations….

(Sorry for NOVEL, but had to comment on the fatty chat)

Former chubby intern here……..I know I always seem to be a dollar late and a dollar short, but I just had to write in about your recent "Fatty chat" in regards to Lindsay's letter about 'More to Love' and the ridiculous 'Former Fatties FOP Unite' crusade, especially since you mentioned your beloved former chubby intern!

First of all, I seriously completely agree with Lindsay's take on the 'More to Love' show. It only took me a few short minutes of watching that show to realize it wasn't worth my time. Its kind of pathetic how they asked these women to bring their sob story etc, but the women are truly whiners with no self-esteem etc. Just obnoxious drivel!

I was a little drawn in by their commercials at first when they went off on their whole why are women on tv never the true average size. And that may seem unrealistic, but its TV! Everyone knows it isn't a true reflection of real life. Anyway good for Lindsay that she dropped that because honestly who would want to be associated with such people!

I REALLY wanted to comment on the other letter you got from the former fatty. I'm sorry but what a moron. I guess I can safely say that as she will NEVER listen to the show again ha ha ha. And none of you ever said that fat people were a lesser form of society!

Does she not understand the definition of 'exploitation'? There is a big difference with some of these shows. The Biggest Loser and Dance Your Ass Off may be humorous at times (and you have to admit it is) BUT they are incredibly motivating shows and the purpose is to HELP these people lose weight, so for the networks and the contestants it is a win-win.

The point you guys were making is that shows like 'More to Love' on the other hand are more exploitative in nature and that is the truth! They aren't trying to help people lose weight. They are EXPLOITING them. They know people will watch, so they are using these idiotic fat people for humorous purposes and to make money. That is the entire point.

It is so annoying when fat people get outraged as things like this. Something that fat women especially don't understand is that men actually find their self-esteem issues more unattractive than their fat ass. I know this to be true. Back in my dating days (before I was engaged) I seriously had NO trouble dating. I dated more than some of my thin friends and people were mystified. No, it wasn't because I was a slut, but I had something most fatties lack which is CONFIDENCE. A lot of the times you can make your weight a bigger issues for YOU than anyone else would. You can actually win people over with your charm etc, but if you are seeping with insecurity, no one wants to be around that no matter what you weigh. Its too much drama which is the reason fat people are so damn funny most the time.

(I mean in a way I do empathize with fatties. I'm there myself. I've lost a lot, but have WAY more to go and it sucks sometimes. Its hard to get yourself to the gym and deal with the emotions etc. The worst thing about being fat is that you know you did it to yourself, and its not really a problem that you can hide! But the thing is, you CAN do something about it. People who say you can't are lying to themselves and will lead miserable lives of obesity.)

But the complaining MUST stop fatties. I seriously doubt that someone force-fed you twinkies. Fat jokes are cruel boo hoo. If you would put as much energy into losing weigh as you do being outraged, you would be healthy! If you are fat and happy good for you. Enjoy your donuts and live your life and stop worrying about what others say. If you are NOT happy about it, then stop complaining about your sorry life. Stop with the excuses. So what if you've had a hard life or you have some health ailments or your parents are fat. Deal with it. That's life. Stop blaming others and take control of your life or you will never find happiness. Do what you need to do. Get off your ass and move more and eat less. Or else shut up and go eat a cupcake.

Much love! Your "More to Love" former chubby intern who will NEVER stop listening to the show (as long as there isn't a weight limit enforced)

My positive affirmations

So I wrote another ARTICLE and it inspired me to write my own affirmations. I really really like these. This weekend I'm going to write them out and post them all over the wall-Adam will LOVE It lol.

• I enjoy working out at the gym because I can feel the difference in my well-being that it is making.
  
• I love eating yummy & healthy food because it is SO good for my body.
  
• I will be under 300 pounds and will look beautiful for my upcoming wedding in April.
  
• I will attain a healthy weight and be able to laugh and play with our beautiful children and teach them also how to lead a happy life.
  
• I don't focus on the past and remain positive on this wonderful journey to improve my life that I am undertaking.
  
• I am very patient as I realize it will take time to achieve the higher quality of life I am seeking.
  
• When I make mistakes I quickly resolve the problem and remain positive at all times.
  
• I do not let the pressure of having kids or getting married impede my weight loss efforts because I am enjoying the benefits of the weight I have lost so far, and look forward to even more wonderful things in store!
  
• I do not blame others or myself for my weight issues because all that matters is that I am firmly on the path to achieve good health and I never waiver from it.
  
• I do not make excuses to not exercise or eat fast food because I know that it is worth the time and effort of making good choices.
  
• I look forward to playing sports and being more active and wearing fun clothes
  

Day 2/200: Project 200

2^nd day people! Sheesh the time goes by frighteningly quick! I so want to weigh myself but I have sworn to myself (and to Adam) that I would do it ONLY once a week. HARD TO DO!!! I want to know NOW. But good gracious, amongst all of the MANY life lessons I need to learn, P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E is one of the BIGGEST.

So I woke up this morning with this total desire to eat fast food. Sadly this is how I feel most mornings lol…… I was totally craving those croissants with sausage, cheese, and egg at Burger King!

But then I started thinking about how many calories are in those and it kind of grossed me out. AND, it's project 200 time!!!! I AM GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME!!! (I don't care if it kills me. I'm sick of the excuses!) I want this, but it's not enough just to want, I need to put in the work and the effort for it (damnit). Saturday will come soon enough when we can have a deliciously evil and yummy rather-fatty meal. (How pathetic it is that I so look forward to those days?)

Liquid Hell:

Well today I did have two Diet cokes (mmm sweet nectar of the Gods) but I still had a TON of water. Also tried a lemon tea and had coffee. Only had to pee like 6 times at work (instead of 12 like yesterday)

(I still am bloody convinced the REAL reason you lose so much when you drink water is because of how many damn trips you take to the potty)

Grindage:

I did NOT give into the temptation of going to Burger King this morning even though it sounded so gloriously wonderful! Oh how I crave the good stuff!

• B: 2 toast w/ margarine, 2 eggs, healthy shake (oj, nutrients, fruit)
  
• S: granola bar, yogurt, cheese stick
  
• L: turkey & cheese pita
  
• S: Skipped
  
• D: Subway
  
• S: banana,
  

Shaking da booty:

• 45 minutes cardio (30 elliptical, 15 treadmill)
  
• 40 minutes weights (shoulder & arms)
  

Holy tired! I admit it's been a long time since I've been in the gym. Haven't been a total lazy ass, I have played soccer and done some workouts at home. But it really made a difference. My friend Ian came with Adam and I tonight and it was fun. It is SO crucial to have workout buddies. Am going to be so bloody sore tomorrow.

Yeah I would have rather of been sitting on my ass at home, but you know what, that is NOT going to get me healthy. The cold hard fact is that we need to get out there moving more and eating less.

Step it up a notch:

• Have only ONE Diet coke instead of TWO
  
• Need to add more veggies J
  

Ku-DOS!

• Water!!! I drink so much of it!
  
• Hoorah for not giving into my fattening food urges this morning!
  
• I went to the gym and haven't in like forever (been working out at home)
  

Fatty Confessions:

As a young child I was rather fond of butter. Ok, the truth of the matter, I was a freak about it. I would put it in everything! I really don't remember (probably chose to forget), but my sister swears she once caught me eating butter plain, and another time she says I put half of a stick of it in my soup. Oh the shame!

At least I was young. But I have to admit another trick I would do as an adult. I'm ashamed to say I discovered this one day when I was making cookies or something. But seriously I would mix margarine, brown sugar, and oatmeal together and eat it. Disgusting I know!

Why try?

It is SO worth it. Again, I'm not looking back. I'm not focusing on how I've lost and gained and been on that roller coaster ride for years. It doesn't matter. I am still proud of the fact that I am now 360 considering I was once 414. But I will be prouder still when I can get to 330 and MAINTAIN it! That is seriously the first goal for me.

I'm not blaming myself (or others) or being negative. Whats done is done. I ate it. Only I can undo it. And I'm getting it done and I just need to stick to it plain and simple.

Day 1/200: Project 200

Well here we are day 1 of 200. 1 day already gone! Current starting weight is 360. Will weigh myself again next Monday. Goal for this week is to exercise 5 times and to eat right.

Specific focus for today was drinking plenty of water!

Bathroom Trips:

Ok so I'm NOT quitting Diet Coke. Been there, tried that 800 times to no avail. But today I did not have any. I'm convinced that although diet soda is not high in calories, but there really is something to all of the studies on it. The caffeine, carbonation, and sweetners although making of the nectar of the Gods can NOT be all that great for you.

I've seen people lose weight who drank it like a fish. But for me I really think I bloat up from it a little. But I'm not willing to give it up entirely. So today I had Crystal Light and a lot of water. I would love to just have the pure and natural water, but sometimes I know I just need some kind of flavor.

But good grief drinking water is so A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G. I'm not sure if anyone has ever peed so much during the day. And if I remember right, it doesn't really get that much better.

MAJOR COMPLAINER JOURNAL MOMENTS:

• "Ok so seriously just went to the bathroom 15 minutes ago and I have to go already!" (12:10 PM)
  
• "Hmmm, 12:51 and here I am again on the pot…."
  
• "Oh wow, seriously I think I've had to pee every 10 minutes! I sit here and hold it because everyone in the office sees you as you walk in the bathroom, especially Mary-the receptionist who in the past has counted my trips every time I've quit Diet Coke." 1:31 PM
  
• "Ok this can NOT be normal. Is my bladder only capable of holding like 3 ounces or something??? Can I get a new one?" 2:10 PM
  
• "Shocker, Holly is in the bathroom AGAIN. No people staring at me, I'm NOT suffering from a UTI. And NO dearest boss, I am NOT slacking. (I mean seriously, how can you get anything done when the urge to pee is so prevelant!)
  
• "This doesn't happen when I drink Diet Coke!" (Hmm, I'm suddenly reminded of when I was potty-trained which I remember very well…..they kept giving me water and I finally said I'd go potty if they stopped giving me water.)
  

Food/Exercise Journal:

• Exercise: day off (family night)
  
• Food: I ate well today except for dinner. (Or I guess its dinner that is when I ate well ha ha ha) We went to family night and they had pizza. (But calories don't count at family parties, right?). But seriously I can make up for it. Just need to work that much harder on other days. I refuse to give everything up. You can still live and get the results. You just can't eat that way every meal or day.
  

Things to Improve:

• Have better attitude
  
• Eat more carefully at family night (eat less)
  

Kudos:

• Water!!!
  

Project 200:

I am so excited about this project! I know I can do this.

 

What is PROJECT 200?

(So I got inspired watching Julie & Julia! Incredible movie, so I decided to steal the idea!)

But this blog will not be about Julia Childs' "Mastering the Art of French Cooking".

This blog is about my own life journey…….

My history……

My name is Holly McAffee and in clinical terms, I am morbidly obese. I could pretty it up and say I'm chubby, there is plenty of me to love, I'm a BBW (big and beautiful woman)or I'm fluffy, etc. But plain and simple……..I'm just F-A-T.

I've never been the slim type. Growing up I always had da booty. But I'm rather proud of my curvy figure to be honest. Nothing against people who are naturally slim, but I like how I'm built. But I do NOT like how I've let myself go…

How did it happen? Well I can tell you and Oprah my whole sob story about how my mom died and my dad had some major drama of his own, and I wouldn't be lying or exaggerating, but I'm sick of the excuses I've made for years. I finally own it. Nobody made me eat my sorrows away. And I forgive myself too. But now, it is time to move on.

The way I see it, you can either sit around and be sad and complain about it or you can DO something about it.

I definitely have made efforts. At my heaviest sadly I was 414 (yeah that is like 2-3 people, or even 4 if they are build like the Olsen twins). I remember crying my eyes out the day I realized I was over that 400 mark.

So in the last 10 years I've utilized the fine expertise of trainers and done various programs and exercise on and off. But I think due to lack of consistency and sheer stubbornism (I swear there is a part of me that doesn't want to be healthy or is afraid) I have gotten to the 350 mark, but never below, probably due to some deep-rooted mental issue lol.

But I'm ready to put the past behind me. I'm grateful and proud that I am well under that 414 mark. I just want to not worry about the past and just work hard and finally make this happen.

The goal……

I recently met the love of my life (Adam Holt) and am sublimely happy! The only thing standing in my way is what I weigh lol. Adam is a dear and loves me very much…he is one of those very FEW men out there who can see you as a person and not just the physical.

But there is nothing more I want than to lose weight. I'm not getting any younger and really want to be able to have kids in the next year or so.

I feel overwhelmed thinking of how much I need to lose, so right now I'm just focusing on getting under 300 pounds. Every 10 pounds is going to be a significant marker and will be celebrated.

Project 200……

This is how I will track this journey. I have 200 days (this will be a like a month or so before the wedding) to get in the 200 range (less than 300, to be at least 299). So that is my project. Every day I really need to focus on eating right and working hard.

I will blog about the journey-instead of the joy of cooking, the joy of exercising. I really just want to make this a life change. I feel like my whole life is ahead of me!

I can't get to my ideal weight by the wedding, but I certainly can get a large chunk of it off of me which would be wonderful! We want to try for kids at the end of next year, and there is NOTHING I want more than to be a mother. I dream about our kids and practically cry playing with Kiya, Adam's niece who looks so much like him.

It is my time right now and I will not let anything get in my way.

My Heaviest (ick look at my face):

Me now:

My dreams:

I have SO many dreams of when I reach my ideal weight, but I'm just going to list a few goals for when I am under 300.

• Playing soccer better (be faster)
  



• Losing some of my two bellies J
  



• Being able to see the scale start with a 2!!!!!! (can't wait to see this)
  



• Can't wait to fit into my jeans!
  



• FIT INTO MY WEDDING DRESS (Size 26/28)
  



• Less leg/back pain
  



• To feel more healthy
  



• To know I've lost more than 100 pounds total!